EscapingThePast

When it comes, it comes in waves. And they're never the small ones that you can swim away from. It's the waves that are ten feet tall. The ones that swallow you and pull you down. The ones that torment and tease you. They bring you to the bottom of the ocean and let you believe that you may drown; they let you think that it might not be so bad to finally float away. But right when you look forward to sinking, these waves bring you back to the surface. And when the air fills your lungs it burns like hell. Like it's poisoning you. I'm starting to believe that oxygen isn't all it's cracked up to be. Some of us might be better off if we gasped f

Here I am again. Stuck in the same old spot, catching up with familiar friends. Tied to the past and forced to live beside memories that cast a shadow around me. I let myself start a fire, and you stood there and let it burn. Never once thinking of putting it out. Maybe I should blame myself. I was the one who let myself fall. I should have known the outcome. I should have seen this coming from a mile away. Yet instead, I closed my eyes and let myself live in the lies you told. Pretending they were real, trying my hardest to ignore reality; even though it persistently knocked on your locked door. It's here, in this moment, where I'm

If you came here in search of convincing, you've come to the wrong place. It doesn't matter how badly I want you or how much I believe that I need you; I won't beg you to stay. I refuse to get down on my knees. I won't cry to sway your already made up mind. I can't tell you I'm worth it, I can't tell you I'll change. I'm not capable of either. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry if I'm not what you expected. I'm sorry if my pride has gotten in the way. But I can't let you instill guilt in me. I'll eventually find my way back to my feet. I'll eventually overcome all the pain you spoon fed me. Soon I'll forget t

Come soothe me with your burning bite. I've been waiting for this. Craving this. Needing this. Take me away, release me from reality. Just for a little while.

It was today that I realized the walls that once sheltered me, would in turn betray me. They will soon come crashing down, making it harder and harder for me to carry on. With no escape planned, I am bound. It is absolute that I will fail this time. It is guaranteed that I won't make it out alive. I heard a sound as I tried to believe in hope. It was god laughing at me. After all, I am foolish. For believing in something. For trusting in divine intervention. There's nothing left to plan for. Nothing left to chase. The world I own is coming to an end. And I know I will be forced to carry on, taking punch after punch, never able to sw

I slept restlessly last night; dreamt of things that will always be out of my reach. I tossed and turned; finally realizing that I will never find what I've been searching for. And the truth won't allow any comfort. I woke up this morning, just as tired as I felt the night before. Walking into the kitchen, where the cold floor would bite my feet. I searched for the stability I longed for, but my favorite mug lay in the sink. This morning, I had to reach for a new one. Opening cabinet doors that I haven't touched in weeks. Yet I embraced it, hoping it would resonate change. I was looking forward to something new, some kind of affirm

I used to sleep restlessly while tortured by dreams of you. I used to let you haunt me, control me, cripple me; just because I hoped you would come back to me. After months of trying to fill the void you made, I feel empty no longer. I've finally fallen in love. I can breathe knowing I no longer have to hope you'll come back. I can sleep soundly because your voice no longer echoes in the hallways of my mind. I can finally smile because I know the face staring back at me loves me more than you ever could. And there is nothing more satisfying than loving her back. Nothing more incredible than finally letting you go, and realizing that

When I can no longer possess the capability to heal, I begin to fail. I lose all hope in myself. In humanity. In the ability to function in this world. When colors begin to fade, gray becomes the only beauty left to set my eyes on. And as shades disappear, I begin to give into my weaknesses. Letting it blind me. It's not an easy road; wandering around paths with no sense of direction, no concept of time. No one to lead the way. But I've been told purgatory gets better with time. That it becomes easier and easier to be alone. However, no one has had any advice on how to remember to breathe in the mean time.